Me, Myself and I Would Turn Into Me; as Myself and I Would Be Long Dead

I don't think I would get along with myself. In fact, I'm fairly sure that if there were a copy of me, we'd be at each others throat constantly.  Frankly, I cannot stand people that jump from topic to topic, people that are frank, people that wont answer me if they don't want to, people who are often rude, people who constantly try to help, people who crack jokes at others expense, people who  ... it goes on and on. But the thing is, is that I AM all those things. I DO crack jokes at others expense, I am rude and frank and often ignore stupid people and their stupid questions. I am the biggest hypocrite EVER!!! <-- See, I even hate it when people do all caps and multiple exclamation points in writing, but here I am, doing it right now. Granted I try to avoid the caps and exclamation points in my writing, but all the same. So, anyway, I filled out a character questionnaire, one that I use for my characters, with myself. I tried to be as honest as possible, but . . . I don't know. Ehh, no one's perfect, right?

Name: Caitlin Ashley (last name)

Nickname: Cait

Gender: Female

Age: 14

Height: 5’2

Weight: 107

Body Type: Medium/average

Physical Condition (Fit, unfit or something in between?): fairly fit

Eye Color: brown

Hair Color and Style: naturally brown, blue streak on right side, short

Distinguishing Features:

1. Dyed hair

2. Smile/sullen look (or so they say)

3. I’d like to say my thoughtful, beautiful expression/disposition, but that would be more than unrealistic!

Physical Imperfections/Would Like Most to Change:

1. Uni-brow that I pluck

2. There is a gap between my first and second toe.

3. My teeth are far from perfect

4. Stinky feet

Characteristic Gestures:

1. Cursory examinations

2. I talk with my hands theatrically

Race: White

Ethnic Group: the good ol’ American Mutt, baby!

Religion: … if I had to pick one I’d say Christian, but I’m more of an agnostic.

Family Background/Lineage: We come from all over, but the two most prominent ethnicities are Irish and German.

Years of Schooling: Middle school, first year of high school

Degrees: I’d like to study some sort of art/literature combo. Maybe some history

Grades Achieved in School: A’s & B’s

Skills, Abilities and Talents:

1. Writing.

2. Artistic.

3. Pissing people off

Occupation: Student

Military Experience: None

Short-Term Goals:

1. Finish HS without failing any classes or getting my ass beat up

2. Finish a few stories, maybe publish

3. -

Long-Term Goals:

1. Decent college

2. Visit my ever growing list of places: Venice, Quebec, Pompeii . . .

3. Kidnap Mr. Right - permanently

Short-Term Needs:

1. Food, water, oxygen, etc.

2. -

3. -

Long-Term Needs

1. Food, water, oxygen

2. -

3. -

General Personality Type: Eccentric, if I had to pick one

Introvert/Extrovert: Introvert

Eccentricities:
1. I enjoy shocking people with unconventional behavior.

2. My room is an eccentric mess.

3. -

IQ:

Temperament: Bad. I am Impulsive and het angry too easily. Doesn’t help that I’m frank and it takes a special kind of person to get alone with me.

Method of Handling Anger or Rage: I repress anger, until it gets to be too much. At which point I pretty much explode.

Admirable Traits:

1. Frank/honest (this is an extreme for me)

2. Kind, deep down.

3. Passionate

4. Loyal, stands up for friends/weaker people

Negative Traits:

1. Frank/honesty (can be good or bad)

2. LAZY

3. No common sense

4. Impulsive/too ready to fight

Bad Habits/Vices:

1. Bites fingernails

2. Laughs when nervous

3. Wolfs down food

4. Chews lower lip/clenches fists/jaw

Prejudices:

1. Wednesdays! Worst day of the year, something bad always happens.

2. Cheerleaders/jocks. I’ve learned that they aren’t really all bad, but still. I don’t trust ‘em as a rule.

3. Tracks. Like, jogging tracks. Hate ‘em.

Pet Peeves and Gripes:

1. When people speak in ‘text talk’.

2. People who cannot carry on intelligent conversation. I find myself very short with the majority of the population.

3. People who use bookmarks.

Things That Make Uncomfortable or Embarrass:

1. People watching me when I don’t know/sneaking up on me

2. Strangers being too close

3. Family members reading my writing

4. Being around drunken people that are overly gushy.

Most Painful Things in One’s Life:

1. My father went crazy when I was twelve. He went to the hospital (asylum) and everything. Now he’s okay, but every couple of years he lapses back into it and has to fight it. We think it might be bipolar disease or something.

2. -

3. -

Ever Been Arrested? (If so, for what?): No

1.

2.

3.

Opinion on Abortion: I’m all for it, as long as they get the kid before it develops enough nerves to feel it.

Opinion on Environmental Issues: If we could just make the switch to electric cars . . . don’t pay the corrupt oil companies!

Opinion on Homosexuality: I think it is absolutely fine. If they love each other, well, who cares? They aren’t living in your house and fucking you, are they? Besides, monkeys are gay too.

Opinion on Military Intervention: Only if it is necessary

Opinion of Progress: ?

Opinion on Crime and Gun Control: Taking away guns won’t do any good, because the bad guys would still have ‘em and the rest of us would be helpless
Opinions Peculiar to Character:

Political Party: Democrat

Liberal, Conservative, Middle of the Road, Radical: Liberal

Income: None

Sense of Humor (None, dry, understated, witty, slapstick, dirty, etc.): Dry/Dirty

Fears:

1. Death

2. Being buried alive

3. Being covered in duct tape/mummified.

Phobias: I don’t believe I have a phobia

1.

2.

3.

Manias: I don’t believe I have a mania.

1.

2.

3.

Physical Illnesses or Afflictions: I’m pretty healthy

1.

2.

3.

4.

Mental Disturbances: I’m pretty mentally healthy

1.

2.

3.

Hobbies:

1. Writing

2. Painting/Drawing/Pottery

3. Reading

Interests:

1. Museums

2. History

3. Art

Sports:

1. Tennis

2. Jogging

3. -

Favorite Pastime: Writing

Favorite TV Shows: None.
1.
2.
3.

Favorite Movies:

1. Lord of the Rings (all ten hours)

2. The Day after Tomorrow

3. Signs

Favorite Travel Destination: The cost

Pets: One dog, two cats, lots of fish
Drinks Alcohol? (How often?): Never

Favorite Alcoholic Drink: None

Favorite Meal: Spaghetti

Favorite Books:

1. Eragon

2. Someone Comes To Town, Someone Leaves Town

3. Follow the River

Diet (Rich, low cholesterol, restaurant, low-fat, etc): Whatever I can get. Cheap?

Favorite Restaurant/Ethnic Food: Chinese

Favorite Physical Attribute In Opposite Sex: Hands. I cannot get over hands.

Attributes About Character That Turn On Opposite Sex:

1. Well at my age? Just the fact that I have boobs seems to get guys running.

2.

3.

Sexual Turn-Ons:

1. Hands

2. Long hair

3. Hair around belly button, down. (I sound like a whore)

Sexual Turn-Offs:

1. Bad breath

2. Assholeism

3. Really skinny or fat guys

Romantic Status: Non-existent

Romantic Personality: Yes

Traumas/Psychological Scars from the Past:

1. -

2. -

3. -

Clothing Style/Favorite Outfit: Jeans and a tee shirt/skirt and combat boots.

Favorite Pet Sayings, Words/Idiolect:

1. What if hokey-pokey really is what it’s all about?

2. -

3. -

Speaking Style (Talkative, taciturn, soft-spoken, loud, formal, casual, accent, fast, slow, etc): Casual

Philosophy on Life:

Type and Number of Close Friends:

Best Friend: Delanee

Other Friends: Mikayla, Toria, Ben, Aaron . . . . Long list

Most Crucial Experience (Or experiences that helped to mold characters personality or attitude): The thing about my dad. I think I am a lot more empathetic now, and I just understand people better. I am still short with people, but I also feel the need to stick up for the little-guy. Though that may be because I was bullied like hell all through middle-school and was pretty much the outcast.

Home (Apartment/tenement building/high-rent, low-rend district/house/mansion/castle, etc): Rental house

Neighborhood: decent, best I’ve lived in so far

Car: None

Color: Emerald greed or burgundy

Drive Fast or Slow/Obey Traffic Laws: Doesn’t drive

Major Problems to Solve or Overcome:

1.

2.

3.

Solutions to Problems:

1.

2.

3.

Minor Problems to Solve or Overcome:

1.

2.

3.

Solutions to Problems:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

Character Growth (By the end of the story)/Character Change/Lessons Learned:

My Guilty Pleasure Is Fan Fiction

I am so excited. The kind of excited where one jumps up and down and screams 'hallelujah!' really big font. Typing giant letters is making me pretty darn happy, that's for sure. I've started writing fan fiction, and I cannot decide if I like it or not. On one hand, it is practice, and practice is all the same, but it's just not . . . real. You know? Fan fiction does absolutely nothing for my creativity, even if I'm writing game fan fiction - which, in my mind, is marginally better than book or movie fan fiction - it's still fan fiction. Fan fiction is creepy. It's all about pairing up characters, like Edward Cullen and Shreck. Weird, slash pairings. Which makes me just as much a freak. Not only have I started writing it, but I actually enjoy reading it. At least, sometimes. Admittedly some parodies are absolutely historical. It is like, I hate myself for liking it. Only not that dramatic and emu-like. I realize that fan fiction is really stupid, and no good for my writing skills (especially when I could be working any one of my stories over at fictionpress). But I just cannot help reading it, squealing along with all the other psycho fan girls - and guys! - out there. So there it is, folks! Part of Me in a nutshell. Love you, and b'bye now...

Nothing But Time

I just finished finals - my first ever - and I think it went okay. Some of the tests were so easy, and some were borderline difficult. Science and Algebra are my main worries right now. If I fail either one then my grade will probably drop to a D. Baaad!

But now I am off for two whole weeks. Can we hear a 'woot, woot'? I woke up this morning (first day of vacation) to nothing. Literally. My dad is out cold in his bedroom, I don't expect to see him for at least another hour, and my little sister is in school. My Mom is at work. She gave me this job to do, addressing letter to her various clients (she's a Realtor). I wasted about 1 hour on that. Now I have nothing do to, nothing but time.

On a different note, I am seriously starting to get annoyed with my English class. I have the highest grade (96%) and I'm a lazy ass. My problem, really, is that I should be in an honors class. My teacher practically begged me not to switch out for his sake. What a prick. He's now grading me harder that the rest of the class, I can tell, and I'm still getting the highest grade on every writing assignment out there. I swear, I don't think of gotten anything below an A on any of the Essays/ creative writing assignments he's given us. Higher on the creative writing, because that is like, my calling. He's actually tried to read aloud some of my stuff, and confiscated my Fahrenheit 451 essay. Says he wants it for some reason, wont tell me why. I figured, 'what the hell,' and told him he can have it. Frankly, I wouldn't care if I didn't have this friend that keeps going, "well, he only likes your stuff because of that first essay," and various other things like that. I'm sorry that I'm a better writer than you, Mikay, I really am. But the thing is, is that I practice about five hours out of every day.


Eh, I shouldn't be so harsh. It just bothers me.

I Just Got Finished Watching 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince'

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or Edward Cullen. Or anything else.

---

“I know what you are.”

“Say it.”

Harry gulped, Cedric standing behind him so close was tantalizing.

“Say it,” Cedric growled, his velvety voice drifting through Harry’s skull, leaving
him full of hot desire.

“You’re a vampire.” Harry said to the forest, feeling Cedric’s cool skin pressed up against his back.

“Are you afraid?” Cedric asked, his voice lilting.

“No.”

“You should be.” Harry looked down, hearing Cedric’s words but not really registering them. He never would be afraid of Cedric, he would never hurt him.

“Cedric, I-” Harry began, but was cut off.

“Don’t!” Cedric shouted. “That’s not my name anymore. I am Edward Cullen. Hear me? Edward Cullen!”

Another [crappy] Poem

If Life were a dream,
It would seem like such a blaspheme,
Like always swimming upstream,
And always floating downstream,
In the earth's immeasurable scheme.
We can see a gleam,
But it is a bloodstream,
O forever supreme.
And is that a sunbeam,
Hiding behind this horrible theme?
O it may beseem,
That life is just a dream.

Some Really Short Notes About Writing

I really need to get my rear in gear and whip out some writing. I've been slacking way too much for the last, say, three months. Lately, I dunno, I just haven't been in the mood for writing. It's odd, since thats like, my passion. My only passion. But it's thanksgiving break now, so my goal is to update every one of my stories before the break is over. As I only have about three up right now that shouldn't be too difficult.

On a seperate note, I also want to start writing more . . . Mature novels. Not like explicit X rated crap, but like books with real meaning. I'll still stick with fantasy prolly, maybe just add some more . . . I don't really know what to call it. More something. It's not like it's all that hard even, it just requires me to think. I don't like to have to think all that much.

Which, now I come to think of it, is probably why I've been so late in my updating. My most important story has reached that dreadful stage where it transitions from the beginning to the middle, forcing me to think about what is to come next. One story I've simply lost interest in, and the other I have no excuse for ignoring.

Ehh. Bleh.

ADD diagnoses is ODD

Imagine with me for a second that you have a kid, a little girl. She's in 1st grade, and is having trouble learning to read properly and write her letters/numbers correctly. She has a first year teacher fresh out of school herself, maybe in her mid twenties.


So said teacher calls you in and has a conference. She starts out sweet, pointing out all your child's pros, like her 'sparkling' personality, but avoids anything negative. Halfway through the conference with about ten minutes left she launches into a long, technical description of your child that you cant understand. You question her further and she mumbles something about how your child may have a disorder. You decide to flat out ask her what in the name of Moses she is talking about and she tells you your child has ADHD.

ADHD? What? Attention Deficite Hyperactive Disorder, that's what. So you take your little bundle of joy to a doctor, who reads over the teachers notes and gives you some meds costing you a heavy amount of green, all with a bored I-don't-give-a-shit expression.

Your darling baby girl turns into a zombie. First they give her something to calm her down. Then she's too still so they give her something to hyp her up,  then of course her energy level skyrockets and she needs something else to calm her down. After twenty-something trials and a seriously drugged out kid you and the pleasant doctors find the right dose of everything. By that time your kid is on eight different drugs.

And the problem persists.

You take her back to the doctor, and they decide to take her off everything and conduct a few tests. They do that, and after a week in the hospital, ten thousand dollars, and a year of utter stress, you get the test results back. Your kid is bipolar.

This is a true story . . . Well, maybe it wasn't a girl in first grade, but it did happen to a family.

My Point: ADD and similar disorders are apparent, I wont deny it, but they are MINOR problems. Something like 50% of children in the U.S. have been told they may have ADD, ADHD, or some other mental problem, probably more. I was told I had ADHD way back in 5th grade because I talked with the other children too much and fiddled with my pens, papers, etcetera. My sister, whose in 1st grade now was recently told she had ADD because she doesn't pay attention. I have many, many freinds with similair stories... and no, none of us - including myself - are on any sort of sedatives.

Her teacher is a demoted middle school teacher that is probably bitter. My sister comes home almost everyday with stories about how she yells and otherwise punishes the students. Christ, she cant even teach her kids to write their numbers properly! Teachers are paid to teach, not to recomend various drugs for their students.

"If left untreated, the persistent and pervasive effects of ADHD symptoms can insidiously and severely interfere with one's ability to get the most out of education, fulfill one's potential in the workplace, establish and maintain interpersonal relationships, and maintain a generally positive sense of self."

 But don't listen to me. Decide for youself, it's better that way anyhow.